Thursday, May 26, 2011
Its Not That Big of a Deal
We headed home that Thursday afternoon, and arrived to a beautiful display of our yard filled with a life-size stork and a ton of pink flamingos... they should really make blue flamingos for boys but, oh well, it was memorable. We put Matthew in the living room with our guests and I went to freshen up. I turned the corner and saw Kyle standing in the kitchen and just fell into his arms crying. Looking back I'm not sure why I cried so hard, perhaps just afraid of what it all would really mean. The pity party was short as I had a newborn baby to love and care for.
We went to Madds new pedi. Dr B on Friday where we got the perfect reminder that we just needed to go home and love him and care for him, afterall, he was just a baby. Kyle and I were both moved to tears as we asked the Dr what his thoughts were as we recalled the pain of the disconnected way the hospital Dr gave us Madds difinitive dx. His response was calming as he told us there was no way to tell unless we were to get a blood test, in which the results would take two weeks. We opted to go ahead with the testing. Those next weeks I spent all my time researching and reading medical sites, blogs, community discussions. Anything I could get my eyes on, I read it. As much as I wanted to believe what everyone kept saying "He's fine." "There's nothing wrong with him." "The doctors are crazy." I knew in my heart that he was fine, that there wasn't anything wrong with him, and though I wanted to believe that these Drs really were crazy, I didn't need a test to tell me that he did in fact have an extra gene, as his mother I just knew. Sure enough as the weeks passed, I cried again in hearing the definitive news, there was no longer any guessing or wondering, it was, what it was. I wanted to talk about it till I was blue in the face, thats just how I am, I live in truth and thats just how I cope. Kyle felt there was nothing to talk about, so we didn't.
And that was the end of that... looking back the words "its not that big of a deal" really made me cringe, and though at the moment I hated the lackadaisical way the dx rolled of the hospital pediatricians tongue, she was right, its really not a big deal at all. What does it all really mean anyway, and who is anyone to tell me what my son is or isn't?